6/7/2024 10:05 am

My birthday is this month and it feels a little depressing, as always. I was really excited initially, because pride month and my bday, I thought I'd have a lot of fun. But there is the lingering thought of July and how im gonna be torn down mentally again. Whatever, i guess it is what it is and i'll never recover. Anyways, I have had a few things on my mind lately. I've been thinking a lot about the people in my life and how i handle relationships. Friendships are still really hard but I'm lucky to have a handful of people who really truly care and know me, even if sometimes i dont even feel like a real concept. Its the act of making new ones that is difficult because people are so fucking weird and all they want is something from me. they wanna date me or fuck me, but they base it off images of me where i am heavily in makeup and disguising much of my truth. Like, you dont actually know me. You wont until i let you in, and if you give me no reason to tell you, i will never let you in. Some are weirdly special and I let them in almsot immediately, i felt that with my best friend. I just wanted to be seen and known so bad.... (tbc)

5/24/2024 1:54 am

huh

5/21/2024 6:26 pm

This is more like a diary than anything else, where I will post little thoughts and random things that come to my mind that I would rather not subject other people to lol. On other social sites like Instagram and Tik Tok, it feels like this would be oversharing, or subjecting people to something they didn't consent to hearing. Here, it feels like a safe little corner of the internet that is mine, and people I know can interact with it if they wish. I don't have much else to post for now, so I'll leave this here.

10/15/2023

what's even the point anymore. Every single day is miserable. I want to live a normal life so bad. I really want to know what it feels like to have a healthy body and mind, and not one that's been destroyed beyond repair. I wish I could get a lobotomy or something, god or if I could just forget the last ten years. No, I want to forget everything. Even then I wonder if the anxiety would still linger even if I couldn't remember why?